Leave It

I’m starting to think that it would be a good idea for me to lay off the Sirius Music in my car, I’m way too stuck in the past now, the kids complained this weekend when we were on our way to the grocery store that they didn’t know any of the music I was listening to. Well, I did, that’s all that really matters, they did know the music when I changed to a local radio station or to the more contemporary Sirius channels, but I’m a little stuck on Classic Rewind & Hair nation.

The thing which bothers me about all these older tunes, is that they bring up thoughts of the past. I’ve worked very hard over the last 9 & 1/2 years to look forward, not back. I try not to look at the years of my marriage, partially because I did & said things I’m not proud of, partially because It’s easier to not think of the fun & pleasure of being in a couple. I am not often lonely but looking back makes me lonely, so it’s easier not to look back is all!

I also just recently finished changing out all my picture albums, I had started this project in early 2007 after my grandmother died & I somehow inherited all of her pictures & albums, I pulled most of the relevant pictures of myself & my family from her albums & incorporated them into my already large picture album collection.

I had not done a thing on this project for almost 18 months & then, just the weekend before last, on friday afternoon ms 13 asked me to give her a picture of herself for a school project, she needed one which it wouldn’t matter if it got cut or anything like that & I started looking in the box of pictures I had in chronological order that sucked me in & before I went back to work Sunday night I’d completed the last 5 books in the set & now I’m finished.

Until we finally develop the last 5 or 6 disposable cameras kicking around the house that is. Most of the pictures are pretty old in those things, when we moved to this house I went to a cell phone & have had a digital camera in my cell phones since then, so the majority of the pictures I’ve taken since 2005 (in May it will be 5 years since we moved here – I can not believe it) are on the computer in an online album.

I also won a digital picture frame at work at Christmas time & so view many of my digital pictures there too. Although it’s too bright to leave on all night so I mostly turn it on during my days off so as to enjoy it while I’m at home.  (I’ve also lost sleep watching the pictures change- I admit that was when I first got it & set it up though, I probably wouldn’t do so any longer)

The past though, is too close in those pictures, even the ones from 2 or 3 years ago make me cringe, I see how bad the roof looked before the tree fell on the house & we got it fixed courtesy of the insurance co. Or I see how awful the original paint job in the kitchen was before ms 20 & her old boyfriend painted it for me. I’m sure I’ll look at pictures I take now & shudder at poor ms 13’s curly frizzy hair or how skinny mr 10 was (he takes after his dad- I’ll be surprised if he looks like anything but a stick before he’s 20)

Another day over, 5 hours ’til my next one begins, ‘night all.

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