I’m Trying…

To be better about losing weight. I’ve walked the last 2 nights, on Saturday it was an easy progression out of a long lovely day hanging out with the kids all day long, Sunday was more of a chore because I’d worked all day & really just wanted to take a nap (I couldn’t though, because I knew if I napped I wouldn’t be that tired when it was time to go to bed around 10 & then this  morning I would have been miserable at 530 when I had to get up & take ms 19 to work)

Boy do I ever regret saying I’d make sure she got to work & back every day so that she could let the last BF go, I felt like keeping him around for his ride was a crummy reason to keep him around so I said I’d do the driving. Of course I didn’t think about making any limits on this or a requirement that she start saving money for a car & licence of her own– silly mom, requirement before the reward.

Of course I no longer have to help support the old, non working BF which is nice & the new one takes her to work at least once a week. He is happy at his parent’s home though & so doesn’t live at our house which is also nice- since I really like hour & a half book & bathtub marathons when the mood strikes & while my kids are all really casual & will just come in & use the toilet while I pull the shower curtain for privacy, not pleasantly mind you, I bitch & complain the whole time they’re invading my space, but still, I would be super uncomfortable if any of 19’s friends felt close enough to me to just walk in to the bathroom while I was in there!

Today after work I had to pick up ms 19 & so my schedule is a little off, I came right in because I had an extra half hour detour to get her & was in need of a rest stop, of course one thing led to another & I oversaw dinner’s cooking, made myself a bowl of rice & ate it, played mah johng on the computer & am waiting for ms 12 to finish her dinner so she can walk with me.

I’m just trying to do a few little things to try to start some downward momentum on my weight. Last night I just had a couple of pieces of toast for dinner, with water they were enough to fill me up & though I wanted a bowl of veggies, some rice like I had tonight (which is why I had it tonight) & a bowl of cereal (the kids beat me to the cereal & we’re out so no concern there) I sat on my hands in the living room & waited for the urge to pass.

The walk to the farmer’s gate in my yard isn’t far but it’s a lot less embarrassing to stop for breath every 10 feet (my lungs are still ridiculously full of phlegm) in the yard than on the road where cars going by slow down & stare. I hope to get up to 2 round trips an evening by the end of March & then I want to start going around the yard.

I was thinking today at work of how I used to do so much more. But the “more” was things like going shopping at the mall (or even Target) browsing for cool stuff, going to Roanoke to the marketplace to check out cool things & going for hikes on the parkway. The last year & a half I’ve been so broke we can’t go out shopping & gas was so expensive last spring & summer that we barely drove anywhere but necessary trips.

You wouldn’t think being broke would affect this sort of thing but it seems to, just like the whole pasta thing, when you’re broke, pasta is cheap, but it & the things most people put on it (oil, tomato sauce, butter & cheese) make you fat, so pasta makes you fat & you are poor & fat at the same time. (story of my life- I still eat pasta at least once or twice a week) Can’t win for losing as my grandmother used to say!

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