Once in awhile- when I have cause to do so- I look back on the 9 years I was with my ex husband & it looks like a life someone else lived- not me- It couldn’t have been me who watched him drink with friends- Family & Co-workers every weekend.
Who moved into a ramshackle 30 year old trailer & who painted the living room one night while he was at work because I just couldn’t take that pepto-bismol pink any longer- who watched him knock down the walls for the third bedroom in the trailer so that the kids had a playroom which was the second half of the living room.
Who baked bread all the time because it filled empty bellies & made up for the numerous meatless meals we had because we were broke due to him quitting yet another job. WHo stayed home & watched kids- did dishes & went stir crazy while he worked or didn’t work & did as he pleased- who let him take care of the finances & what we would & wouldn’t pay each time there was money to be spent.
I have had more phone #s than anyone I know (except- maybe Chrissie) I’ve moved because the ex was bored- frustrated- or didn’t want to deal with someone or something more times than I can count. Something I’m not proud of but I did what I had to in order for my kids & my family unit to survive.
I was amazed after he moved out- at how much smoother things were when I did it for myself- ‘it’ being going to work & earning the money myself & deciding – because I earned it- how it was spent. Even when I was first going back to work & making $5.40 an hour at a nursing home things were better financially then they were when he was making $9 or $10 an hour because I went to work every day I was scheduled & none of my money went for beer or a night at a bar while the rest of the family was sitting around waiting for him to come home.
The ex was of the opinion that he didn’t need to pay child support for quite a few years after we separated & then divorced- what he told others (though he lacked the testicular fortitude to actually say this to my face) was that since I was home with the kids for much of our lives together while he was out ‘earning our living’ I owed him & ‘should’ support the kids on my own.
So the point is- I was unsurprised when I got a call on my cell phone while at work on Saturday afternoon from the ex. I texted him immediately because I can’t answer the phone while I’m at work unless I’m in the bathroom or the breakroom- I told him to text me but he didn’t.
An hour later I was also unsurprised when 18 text-ed me to let me know he & the family had shown up at our house- & again a little while later while I was picking up milk & a few other things on my way home I was amused but not surprised when 18 text-ed to say that the ex was there to let us know that he- the GF- (pregnant if you’ll remember from my last diatribe) her daughter & his son were all moving to Oregon.
I was surprised however- when I arrived home to find that they were moving to OR right that minute – lock- stock & barrel. As soon as I turned down my road & saw his truck with a u-haul trailer & their car behind it parked in my yard I started laughing. I did calm myself before getting out of the car & actually facing him- he’s still got really good radar for when I’m laughing at his expense so I had to get mentally prepared before facing him!
I was also amused & a little surprised later on when the GF’s daughter mentioned something about Milwaukee WI is not on the way to OR & so I’m wondering if there was a little misdirection going on as to where they were really going. Also- since he had his son with him & I don’t think his divorce is final I wonder if his soon to be ex is aware that they were leaving.
I don’t really care where they’re going- as long as they’re gone & not in my back yard- as long as they stay gone & don’t take my kids with them. Of course- knowing my ex like a bad penny he’ll turn up yet again- I wonder if he’ll do any better about being a dad to the GF’s baby than he’s done with 11 & 8. He’s a cruel dad to his little guy from the second marriage – though he’s at that stubborn 3 year old stage which can be frustrating I realize- & having both 11 & 8’s attitudes to contend with when they were 3 I realize that it’s no picnic.
I am pretty psyched that he’s gone again though- much easier on my own- less worries about him just showing up unexpectedly- less worries about his judgmental pronouncements from a distance. More worries about him pressuring for visitation for being allowed to take them to OR for weeks or months at a time. With full custody in my name he’d have to go to court to change it & now that he’s not 3 hours away- that would be cumbersome. (thank goodness)
I know why OR – the GF is from there- as for why now- I have my opinions- among others he says he is out of the service- but it seems like it was awfully quick- one week he’s in & the next one he’s just out & through with it? He’s pulled the AWOL thing before (right after 9/11 as a matter of fact- that thanksgiving both his mother & I received letters weekly from his C.O. asking that if he came ‘home’ for the holiday that we call them) Or as I speculated before- is he being up front about his little boy? Does his new ex know where they are?