Good, Bad or Indifferent

So I’m feeling a little better, the well seems to be ok, it just cost me over $400. & a new water heater & to find that out. However, it’s better than the minimum $5 grand to dig a new well.

I’m 39 today & it’s not setting well at all. I am somewhat comforted that when my mother turned my age I, her oldest kid was 8 years old & my very youngest is 8 now, meaning that I’ll be done with the whole child rearing thing a lot earlier than she was. I am discomforted though, by the idea that I’m going to be 40 next year & have very little to show for it.

My ‘lovely’ birthday, so far, has consisted of being woken up by miss 17 calling to tell me she felt like she was going to puke at 8 am, my telling her to tough it out & getting yelled at for my coldness, then trying to go back to sleep, only to have the phone ring less than 5 minutes later, the plumber calling to say he’d be over in 10 minutes. Karma was obviously telling me to get out of bed- it’s a good thing I was too depressed last night to stay online for any amount of time last night & so was in bed reasonably early (for me).

Within an hour the school called to let me know that 17 had, indeed puked. So off to town to pick her up at the high school, I went to the bank to get money out for my trip to Mt Airy tomorrow- (on which I have decided to try to pick out something for myself, I don’t know what yet, there were myriad things that I saw on our last trip that I really liked- but narrowing it down to one can be really hard.) then came back home after a Sobe stop -if I have to be up at 8 am on a day off (third one in a row now that I didn’t get to sleep in during- there’s a trend here & I don’t like it) The least I can ask for is caffeine.

When I got back home the plumber announced the water’s on, the hot water heater is heating up, our pressure is back to normal, the water filter must be changed monthly not quarterly & what I owed him.

Of course, that was the last of the money for the car repairs. So now I’m seriously thinking about other cars. That or resigning myself to driving with a broken trunk latch at least until the end of January because that’s when I’ll have the kind of money it will cost for that kind of repair.

17 has taken herself off to her room, angry with me because I don’t know where her SAT test is given. I also have no interest in getting her 30 miles away over there in Blacksburg by 730 am on Saturday- that’s what her BF is for I told her- she says since neither he or she has any idea of where the place is I ‘have’ to help her out. As if I’ve ever done anything at Virginia Tech other than drive by it! Funny how we’re so independent & separate until we’re confronted with something out of our range of knowledge & then we go running back to Mommy.I’d like to know why they can’t give SAT tests here in town? Also, she’s got friends who have already taken the test & also probably, friends who will be taking the test on Saturday, it seems to me that it would be smart to ask around & get directions, or try to get a ride with a friend (everyone but her has their licence after all- or so she tells me all the time- so certainly one of them should be able to give her a ride!)

I know, I’m messed up! Most parents are worrying about how to help their kids do better etc. I’m worrying about having to get up at the ungodly hour of 6 am to take her to take the test. A lot of this is the defeatist thoughts in my head right now, I can’t pay for her to go to college, I can barely keep a roof over our heads & food on the table so why sweat the SATs? if she goes at all it’ll be to the community college to start & (according to her) you don’t seem to need your SAT scores to go there at all.

I’m still irked about the whole weekend. After years of screaming at me over the phone about my not letting him have the kids in WI, insisting he pay child support, & my not letting him take the kids wherever he wanted, the ex was insanely pleasant, accommodating & stated 5 or 6 times that he bore me no ill will.

Of course, I think it’s all a ruse, I gathered from conversation had around/in front of me, that the new girlfriend is studying law, so I’m thinking the whole thing is a ‘getting ready for a custody/visitation court case’ run through. When I arrived on Thursday night he was apologetic that we haven’t received child support – he says they’re taking it out of him for sure, I offered to call the 1800 # for the VDCSE & let him listen to the notice that no money has been collected or dispersed on my case in 30+ days, he declined & said that he thinks it’s going to his new ex wife.

Then, Saturday the kids & I cleaned house & watched movies together, expecting his call all day long because he’d said he wanted to take them out & do something on that day, he never called & of course, that was right after I’d discovered at 10 pm on Friday night, that I had a basement full of water, so I was waiting on the plumber to show up, finally at 5pm I called the ex to see what was going on & he said he’d been busy all day installing his mother’s carpet & had forgotten about seeing the kids (I’m sorry, doesn’t it seem like if you’re visiting the area for the first time in 18 + months & you have young kids that seeing them would be a larger priority than your mother’s carpet?)

So, he didn’t feel like coming up to our house or going out to dinner (with no water I was not about to try to cook) so I ended up taking the kids to his moms & leaving them there for 4 hours to have dinner there & visit with their dad, while I went home to deal with the plumber after a quick stop to get paper plates, antibacterial wash & hand wipes.

While visiting when I dropped the kids off, I explained the plumbing problem & he asked why I hadn’t called him first thing in the morning “I could’ve fixed this for you today & you wouldn’t have to wait until Monday to have water – plus I’m cheaper than a plumber” is what he said & when I expressed the idea that I doubted he wanted to do plumbing work on his time off & that I hardly expected him to help me with that sort of thing. He said he had nothing against me & of course he’d help out.

He then asked if I’d had the stairs done yet & I explained that I had yet to find anyone who was willing to build them when I’d had the money to pay to have them done. He said as soon as I got my tax refund he’d come up & build them for me. Again, I said I wasn’t about to ask that of him & he insisted that he wanted to help us out. We got to discussing other things I need done on my house & he continued in this vein. (anything he could do to help, just call, he’s only going to be 2 hours away & he’ll be around a lot more now, etc etc,)

As a co-worker who is a child of divorce pointed out, his dad used to do the same thing, get a guilt attack & make all kinds of promises then renege, or at the very least not follow through. I hope he’s serious but, as with everything the ex does & says, I have to temper my hope with a grain of salt because history has proved him untrustworthy at least 70% of the time. (& we are talking about knowing him for all but 8 of his 34 years. That’s a pretty long history.)

All in all, so far, it’s not a particularly auspicious beginning to my last year in my thirties. Maybe it’ll be one of those ‘get better as the year progresses’ sort of things.


Not too bad for nearly 40 & nothing but sponge baths for 6 days!


4 thoughts on “Good, Bad or Indifferent

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