I Can’t Begin to Say-

How irritated & annoyed I am.

I am sick of being thought of as old because I’m 38. That’s not old- average life expectancy is something like 74 nowadays & 38 is not far from halfway there- though in my family for a woman to die at 74 would be an early death. My grandmother was 88 & her mother was 94 or 95 so 74 would be young. I am not all that old- if I was 68 I could be considered old- maybe.

So why does everyone seem to think I’m old. For crying out loud I’m not a ma’am yet am I? Why do people refer to me as ‘Ma’am’ on the phone at work (though it is preferable to the ones who apparently think I’m an effeminate guy & say ‘sir’)

I’m old enough to know better & young enough to learn -as my friend K used to say- a little frightening coming from her though! She’s at least older than me- by 4 years- though we haven’t talked in nearly 18 years- the idea of her at 42 is a comfort to me!

Of course my kids think I’m old. I expect that- I hear it all the time both in serious & joking ways. Mom’s old- of course- I’m old enough to have given birth to them! I was 21 when 17 was born- (I’m glad I got out of my teens- my father always predicted I’d be a teen pregnancy story- because of all the books I read on the subject when I was 13 & 14- I read books on anorexia too & that didn’t take either) It’s when they have bizzare misconceptions of how old I am that I can’t take it- ‘did they have airplanes when you were a kid mom?’ that sort of thing irks me to no end. I suppose I don’t help their conceptions – with my tales of training a pterodactyl to fly me to my friends house either – they know I’m kidding! I think.

I can spend hours on a boring day at work plucking gray hairs out of my head- I’m accustomed to short ones near my face but recently I realized in my longer hair in back of my head there are gray hairs which are just as long as my red ones! Horrors- I’m still trying to decide between another bleach highlight or if I should just go over the whole thing with red hair dye- I know from much personal experience that the real red will barely be noticeable but will cover the gray (at least temporarily) where the bleach- I’ll have to try to hit the right spots or have 17 do it.

I feel old today- I am still uncomfortable from yesterday- I was sick at work- mostly the sort of cramps you get once a month- because I’m old though- I get them once every 8 to 10 weeks & they’re worse when there’s so much space in between. I gave up 2 hours before it was time to go home & left early to curl up with a hot bag of rice & moped & watched tv until just as late as if I’d stayed at work.

I remember being 7 or 8 & trying to smooth the wrinkles out of my mother’s face- her forehead was severely lined already- though she was 30 when I was born so that would make her about my age at that time- she is a smoker though & that ages your skin quicker they say – I know my forehead isn’t so wrinkled as I remember hers being back then.

This entire rant is brought to you by some young punk on the phone at work last night who- as he hung up the phone said to the other people in his house- “for an old lady she sure knew how to make the dvr work!”

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3 thoughts on “I Can’t Begin to Say-

  1. Becky, age is a number. I just went to a metal concert saturday night…with a 30 yr old friend, who bought me the tickets for my 40th birthday. I thought I would feel like someones Mom, instead, I just looked like the cool 40 year old who still listens to metal. You don’t have wrinkles…not that anyone but you can see anyway…and knowing your kids..I’m surprised you have only a few greys. Just kidding. Nothing a little hair dye won’t fix. For me..I say bring on the grey. I can’t wait to turn 45. All my kids will be out of the house and I will still be young enough to be active and enjoy a little freedom. My parents are in their mid 70’s and Dad just gave up his inline roller blades. The go mountain biking and white water rafting. I suppose they COULD act their age…but what fun is that?

  2. Hey, Becky–if it’s any consolation, I’m 64 and *I’m* not old. You’re younger than all of my children. It’s all in your perspective, and in how old you feel!

    Have a young day!

    (Michele sent me)

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