Quick note on the vacation, I’m writing what we did each day, more for myself than anyone else, but they’re being dated to the day we actually did the things, you can scroll down or check them out via the vacation link in the sidebar if you care to.
We’re pretty much settled back into home-life, the living room looks like a room- a room in a junk store, but a room, the garage is full of boxes & there’s about 5 more boxes on my front porch which no one is willing to move to the garage for me- including me. (this ensures that those 5 will be looked through first- one at least is full of picture albums)
Miss 11 has been to summer camp via the mentoring program she’s in. 17 & the BF were scandalized that she has 2 classes, PE & 2 recesses each day, as if that was wrong! It’s not summer school, it’s summer day camp! I wish mr 7 was going too but they haven’t found anything ‘wrong’ with him that requires a mentor like 11 apparently does.
I was a little annoyed, Tuesday evening the mentor stopped by so I could sign paperwork – something about I signed in blue ink, it needs to be signed in black ink- how anal retentive can you get? She quite proudly told me that 11’s teacher was now seeing some of her problems, which she hadn’t noticed before because 11’s ‘problems’ are not so obvious because she’s quiet & does not disrupt the class. Personally I think it’s all a way for this mentoring program to make money off the state. I notice the kids in the program are all on medicaid & that Medicaid pays for everything.
I missed 11 today while she was at camp. 7 wasn’t into what I was watching while I was folding the massive mountains of laundry 17 has washed (& kudos to her for doing so!) So he was in the garage after a sworn promise not to touch the boxes of stuff. 17 was out with the bf most of the day visiting friends, she does love my days off- where she has the freedom to go places, do things & see people.
I’d still rather not go to work. I’m working on it though, I was thinking the other day about how I’ve made it there 2 weeks short of 6 years & how it didn’t bother me at all for the first 4 years 10 months. My dissatisfaction began with the new computer program we were forced to learn last May. I am resigned to the computer thing, it is cumbersome, slow & poorly set up but it is my life now & I realized late in my day yesterday that it hadn’t crashed on me during either of the 2 days I’d been back at work (of course, 10 minutes later it did crash, but that was my fault because I clicked refresh when I thought I was on another screen & I was actually in the application) I realized that the difference is that for the first 5 years I was working on accepting my life, sucky as it was at the time & accepting everything that happened to me at home & at work was part of that.
I also learned early to walk out the long hall to the exit at work shedding all the unpleasantness of my day on my way out & releasing it to the ethers where it can do no harm (Yes, I really do that- I’m actually hard put to come up with an example of a bad call I took for the first few hours after I get out of work- I work hard to get out of the work mindset while I’m walking out the door)
The last year or so I’ve been less awake at night, I get into bed & pretty much pass out as soon as my head hits the pillow & before I fell asleep was when I worked on my acceptance so I’m missing some of that lately, I’m trying to think more about acceptance while I’m driving to & from work though because my dissatisfaction is growing & I can’t afford to change jobs.
I found I was walking back to my desk after each break & each trip to the bathroom mentally screaming: “No, I hate my job, I don’t want to talk to any more people, I just want to go away, I’m tired of explaining remotes to people who can’t read, I’m tired of apologizing because TNT or some other station isn’t showing what the person on the phone wants to see” (somehow this is our fault)That’s just not a healthy way to be, it’s not how I want to spend my days & 16 days off in a row really point up to me how much I stress over my job when I’m there.
I had planned to stay home for the most part this weekend, but I’m going to have to go to the bank & get some cash for the next 4 days at work. I’ve been to the local store too, filled my gas tank, got the mail at the P.O. & got a couple of diet cokes, I’m trying to stop, really I am, Wednesday I didn’t bring any with me to work (I came back from grocery shopping Tuesday night thinking I had a 12 pack at home & found I didn’t have any sodas at home at all) & I drank 1 DC with my lunch- I was fine all day, no dizzy spells or anything, Thursday I drank one with lunch & another on my 3:45 break & when I went to get up from my desk for the 6 pm break I had a dizzy spell, complete with shaking hands.
So does that tell me it’s bad? Poisoning my system, causing irreparable neurological damage? Do I say OK, no more, I’m off them for good? No, I decided that it meant I could tolerate 1 20 ounce bottle a day without a problem! So today when I went to get gas, milk & bread at our local store I bought 2 20 ounce bottles, one for today & one for tomorrow- I wasn’t home yet (the store is less than 4 miles from my home) before I’d cracked open the one for today. Addicted much?
I’m already tired of being the furniture police, I had to ask 17’s bf to remove his foot from a chair (he’d stuck his leg through the arm of it & placed his foot in the seat) I’m constantly harping on them not to eat or drink anything but water in the room (though I did let 11 peel & slice cucumbers for dinner in there tonight) The rules are relaxed for me, I sit on my feet, one or the other, quite often & I’m still doing that, I did it when it was my grandmother’s stuff & she never (almost never) scolded me for it- I’m going to continue to do so because it’s now mine. It’s not like I’m wearing shoes or anything, it’s always bare feet.
The kids decided day one, that the cats weren’t going to be allowed on the furniture, I didn’t care one way or the other, they’re not cloth scratching cats (wood is another story) & they’ve never been a problem with any piece of furniture so far, it’s unlikely they’d suddenly start now, after all my grandmother was anti cat so they’re not going to smell other cats on the furniture or anything like that. It hasn’t been a problem & actually our miss Scarlett has assumed some funny poses on the furniture which I’ve never seen before, She seems to have a 6th sense about when I try to sneak up on her with the phone in camera mode though so I haven’t captured her in any amusing poses. (YET)