Here are some pictures from my childhood. I look at them & remember when they were taken (for the most part) But mostly what I remember is the sense of disapproval, I look at pictures of myself from about age 8 & see a kid, a little chunky certainly but not the huge elephantine child my parents made me out to be. In the pictures from my teen years I get irritated because by then I’d been told I was unacceptable for so long that I saw myself as unacceptable & huge when I really wasn’t all that big (I’d certainly give most anything to be that size again!) Of course we never truly see ourselves as others see us anyway but looking back I wasn’t the ugly lump I thought I was (& worse yet, that many other unpleasant, shallow people led me to believe I was.
Oh well, enough about that…. Here I am at 18 months or so at my Great
Grandmother’s house , That’s my favorite cousin J. beside me we spent the day learning to navigate those two steps. I believe it was Easter. I especially treasure this picture because my Great Grandmother herself gave me the picture & told me the story about how our mothers kept picking us up & trying to stop us from messing around on the stairs but we just kept going back & trying again.
Here’s the gang of cousins probably in 1975 or ’76, there are a few more but this was the whole ambulatory group way back when. It was always such fun for us all to get together & play back then. The boys played together & we 3 girls played together though really, 3 never works well & someone was always mad at the other two.
This is my brother & I of course, on Christmas 1975 I’m particularly fond of this one because I loved those pajamas! Just the right color for me. I remember my mother being scandalized because my father said my Brother looked like Hugh Hefner in the bathrobe.
At 12 or 13f I was pretty insecure & paranoid, being homeschooled fed into this to a point where I found it really difficult to talk to kids my own age. Other than cousins & friends who I’d known since I was 3 or 4, Then Chrissie came along & I started to talk to other people etc!
This is Chris-sea & I in VA for the first time back in 1987, dig the acid washed jeans on me & the ‘Ratt’ necklace on her. we were ‘truly cool!’ It was my first time far away from home. We had had an apartment in Hull the year before but that was only about 15 miles away from my parents. -hitchhiking I could be home in less than a half an hour- yes I did hitchhike back in the ’80s I was a bad child! I really loved being here in VA though 90% of the things I did & people I met I don’t do or know now. A little odd but I made my choices & some of the choices I had were made for me by my ex & my life is what I’ve made it. nothing to change as far as I’m concerned.
This is me during the short time I was actually within “normal” weight range, from about the middle of 1987 through 1989 after I was pregnant, really I didn’t start putting on alot of weight during pregnancy until the end of 1989 & even after miss 17 was born I was only about 30 pounds above what I was in this picture.
Weight seems to define so many peoples lives, I try not to let it define mine anymore but still, it does creep in from time to time. you can’t help it. We all judge people on their looks from time to time. I’m as guilty of it as anyone else though I try very hard not to judge anyone too harshly.