My oldest, Lois, now that she’s a) over 18 & b) doesn’t live with us anymore, is living in her boyfriend’s grandfather’s home, (the grandfather died 18 months ago & wanted his grandson & Lois to have the house, it took over a year to get the BF’s family to all agree they could live there. They moved in this November & received a kitten from me & a puppy from a friend of hers. The house is a beautiful Virginia farmhouse, big cedar trees all around the house & lots of land which is also shared by other members of the BF’s family, their houses are distant from the big house, but at night they can see the other houses lights. After working at the local nursing home & the local grocery store she is now working at my company taking calls from “people who are way too involved with their TVs” as our family doctor calls what I do for a living.

18 months ago the ex asked to have the 2 younger kids come visit him for a month during the summer. I reluctantly agreed, at the end of the month, my middle daughter (now 15) decided she wanted to stay in Oregon with her dad & step mom. I wasn’t ecstatic about this, but at 14 (which is how old she was at the time) she really has the option through the courts to choose who she lives with. So I didn’t feel like I could say no. She’s still there now & seems to enjoy it up there.

My youngest, Mr 12 now, is still with me, basically he has both upstairs rooms & actually hasn’t even moved all of his stuff out of his downstairs bedroom (after nearly 3 months of having Lois’ old bedroom upstairs) I want him to move his stuff out of the downstairs room so I can make it a guest room/craft room, not that I have much of anything to go in the room yet, but I’m hoping to find some stuff for it soon.

I’ve been very frustrated with work, though my job title equates to level 4 advanced technical support & I can’t complain at all about my hourly wage, my group as a whole has the worst schedule options in the building. No options for the whole weekend off (really not that important to me, but I wouldn’t mind having just 1 day of the weekend off) no options any longer to work 4 ten hour days, which is my favorite type of schedule (54 miles a day round trip to go to work & come home, working 4 days can be much cheaper) the people who come in the door knowing nothing get options for schedules which I would kill for! This makes me rather crazy.

Although considering what else has been going on in my life, I’m not too valuable to the company. In November Mr 12 & I both got a cold. He kicked it in 5 or 6 days, I just kept getting sicker & sicker. After 3 weeks, in which I got sicker & sicker, going from walking 100+ yards from the parking lot to my desk at work without thinking about it in the least to being unable to walk more than 5-7 feet without having to stop & get my breath back, I went to the doctors. She decided I had pneumonia & found I was seriously anemic. (Caused by the lengthy & heavy periods I’ve had for the past 3+ years very likely, we had dealt with this issue somewhat back in November when she prescribed birth contol pills as I could not afford the surgical options available to me) so she gave me a b-12 shot, antibiotics, an inhaler with albuterol in it & some free iron pills to help with the anemia.
So all was ok, although I was still too sick to work, for the next 5 days. Then when I went to use the bathroom before bed on Sunday night 12/18, I passed out in the bathroom. I passed out 4 more times just getting back to the living room. I was able to yell loudly enough to wake up Mr 12 & he helped me back to the chair I usually sit in, in the living room. I slept in the chair that night & Mr 12 slept on the couch. The next day I called Lois on her break at work & I told her what was going on, she left work, I called the doctor’s office & told them what had been going on, they insisted I needed to call the rescue squad & have them take me to the hospital. With serious convincing from Lois, I did so & then spent 15 days in the hospital. They admitted me due to the anemia, dehydratio@n, the rapid heart beat & inability to breathe if I tried to walk or, at that point, even stand.
They quickly found that it wasn’t pneumonia, I had blood clots in both my legs & my lungs. This is something which can happen when you take the pill & smoke but I don’t smoke & never have. They put a screen in me to keep more clots from moving up into my lungs, then decided to do auterine oblation, which should put a stop to my heavy periods for awhile, maybe as much as 5 years, which, hopefully will take me to menopause.
When they tried to wake me up after the surgery I was unable to breathe on my own. They put a breathing tube in & airlifted me to the bigger hospital down in Roanoke. I was in the ICU for 6 days, of which, I only remember the last day. 5 days, from the time I went under for the surgery on 12/21 to the day after Christmas I don’t remember a thing.
Weirder still, Lois tells me that I kept trying to pull the breathing tube out & when I did accept it & Lois was there, I was communicating with her through the sign language alphabet. Lois says I was making sense, asking for Mr 12, asking if she was out of work on her own say so or if work let her go as a money saving thing. However, I don’t remember that at all! I spent a little more than a week in the general hospital getting strength back & walking again. Although I was out for awhile, I surprised the nurses & the physical therapy people because although I was a little wobbly at first I didn’t need any actual therapy to walk, I just started with like 2 steps between the bed & chair & built up each day until the last 3 days I was “allowed” to go to the bathroom without someone in the room.

So Christmas was a complete non event for me this year. Mr 12 stayed with Lois & her BF, they had xmas with his family. When they released me from the hospital I stayed at Lois’ house for the first 4 days & then, on Sunday, after we had our own little Christmas (2 weeks late) complete with full turkey dinner we’d purchased the food for 3 days before I went into the hospital. Mr 12 & I came home, after 5 more days of rest & a follow up doctors visit (I actually have to go to the doctor’s every week for now because they put me on coumadin which can cause heavy bleeding) I’m back at work 4 hours a day this week, building up by 2 hours per week back to 8 hours. Financially this has been devastating. Missing all that work & also the hospital bills are already horrendous, I haven’t even received a bill from the Roanoke hospital yet. They did give me a break with their charity plan, the plan I qualified for makes me responsible for 55% of the bills, up to 20% of my annual income. Still lots more money than I have lying around!
I know I came close to dying & I’m lucky to be alive, as many of the nurses & Lois kept telling me. I am glad I can breathe & walk at the same time now, but it’s still an out of the frying pan into the fire situation on the financial side of things!

(conveniently located right beside the bathroom door) & dump it in the grass. Lois swears it wasn’t on the faucet when she turned the water on, she’d been in about 4-5 minutes, getting wet & soaping up when she looked down & found it on the faucet! We don’t know if it came up from the basement & came through a hole in the tub caulk, or through the back door (our screen door-which I’m so glad to have, we haven’t had one since 2006 when it fell off in an ice storm. Doesn’t fit very well) or through the faucet or drain (the drain holes are pretty small, so we don’t think that’s the case, but it’s well known around here that they do come up through drains, sinks, toilets etc.

I know there had to have been more books than this. I forgot to write some down I believe.

of course they had to walk by this snake climbing out of the rock, which she tells me wasn’t so bad when they were going to the water, but was making threatening gestures when they went to leave after their swimming trip.They also saw a very large snapping turtle, but ms 20 didn’t get a picture of that, knowing her it was probably because she was running in fright.

As soon as mr 10 got home from School yesterday he was hounding me about going swimming. He offered to give me money for gas from next weeks allowance, unfortunately that doesn’t help me get to work between now & when my paycheck posts to my bank account next Thursday so I had to turn that down. Eventually he wore me down to giving him permission to go wade in the creek below our house.  Seen here in pictures from a couple of years ago. He especially wanted to go down he said because a friend at school had brought a few salamanders to school but they were scrawny looking & he wanted to get a few of our “beefier” salamanders.

He was back remarkably quickly, I was surprised & asked what was up & he explained that as he neared the creek he heard something & looked up in time to see a small brown snake about a foot long drop off of a tree branch & into the water. His interest in getting into the water waned after that somehow.

I count my blessings that it did because a year or so ago he’d very likely have gone in with his net (purchased at the dollar store, which he loves for it’s versatility in catching both bugs, butterflies & creek life) to try to capture it.

A few hours later I was watching the news & ms 20, her BF & ms 13 were watching it with me & mr 10 came in with the net full of a snake though. I started screaming & thought I was going to have a heart attack before 10 & 20′s BF started laughing their butts off. It was a set-up, mr 10 had put one of his (many, maybe too many) rubber snakes in the net & come around to try to scare me. He definitely succeeded.

Something’s wrong with my computer’s sound so we have no music. On work nights that doesn’t bother me at all as I normally listen to my mp3 player when online then because I am on at 1, 2, 3 in the morning & everyone is asleep. Today though, I hated it because I felt rather cut off from ms 13 who was the only one around much of the day mr 10 spent the day going between his bedroom, watching tv & outside running around & just getting into stuff as he normally does.

Ms 20 was at work & we had to go out & get her at 3. When she got in the car she said she was in a hurry to get home because she & the BF were expected back at the same friend as yesterday’s house to go swimming again, this caused upset in mr 10 as he was still lobbying to go swimming & I still had not dug up any spare money (hard to do when there is none) for gas.  At first ms 20 said mr 10 couldn’t go but then decided it would be good to have him along as her friend has a 3 year old & so they all have to be on guard for the 3 year old, having mr 10 along would be an extra pair of eyes on the kid (aka around here as  Satan since he clocked mr 10 in the head with a cast iron truck last winter)

Ms 13 was not invited because her grade & the 6th grade below them were invited to sing at the nearby race track, she went last year through the school, it’s part of the school’s say no to drugs campaign, no longer run by the sheriffs dept. Now the national guard is in charge of it. She had a great time last year with her friends & she gets a t-shirt, pencils & a bunch of other stuff in a gift bag at the end so she was adamant that she was going to go.

Which means I’m here at home alone. Which is rare but treasured, yes I admit at 1, 2, 3 in the morning after I get home from work I’m technically alone, but the kids are here, just sleeping. I never have the whole house to myself, of course, there’s not much to do, I’m online obviously right now & I may watch some TV & embroider, which, now that it’s warm enough to not need to keep my hands under a blanket, I’m getting back into again.

Ms 20 has 3 or 4 friends who’ve had kids this year & of course Ann’s daughter had a baby in November so I’ve been trying to think of something to make for each of them, I haven’t actually decided yet, but it may be what I did for my kids, I have these really cute patterns for bunnies with the Alphabet, for instance, this one is for M, 

I didn’t embroider the M because I used it for something else, but that’s where I got it & I did each of my kids’ first names in bunny letters so that may be the best thing to do. I have a whole book of baby name pictures but they’re all very involved & I have 2 which I still haven’t finished & it’s very late (one was for ms 13′s cousin who’s 6 months older than she is, it’s not finished yet, the other was for my Friend Jennie’s son & he was born in 1998- also not finished) I have a very bad track record as you can see so I know it’s a good idea to pick simple projects.

I have a terribly stuffy nose & a sinus headache which is making it hurt to even move my head. I just couldn’t see myself managing another night of croaking away on the phone for folks to press the power button & having them say “what’s that, I can’t hear you, could you speak up sir?” Never mind the embarrassing implications that I sound like a guy when I’m sick. I’m determined not to have my job cost me my voice. My illness (third in 10 weeks, if it weren’t for the sore throat I’d think allergies but everything I’ve read suggests allergies are all sinus related, sore throats are asymptomatic) is going to cost me the option to apply for a job change for at least the next 8 to 12 weeks though, it’s 90 days to get rid of the write up that this is going to put me on, although I have another attendance issue rolling off June 25 so I think I won’t be on a write up after that date.

Ms 20 has work tomorrow so it’s up at 8, back to bed for awhile, have to take the car for yearly inspection & an oil change at 1 & then pick ms 20 back up at 3, then back home to get mr 10 & ms 13 & off we go to Walmart to get groceries for the next 2 weeks. Such fun! Actually it is often pretty fun, mr 10, ms 13 & I have a lot of fun shopping together, now that they’re old enough to not fuss & ask for everything in the store, they get an allowance & it’s amusing to me to listen to the two of them budget their money to get what they want most during our trips.

As for entertaining myself, I’ve been sucked into Facebook recently (yes, that’s a South Park reference, as I keep telling my much younger co-workers, us 41 year olds can enjoy SP too.) I’m also playing a lot of Scrabble Solitaire. Which I have done off & on for a long time, but just lately, my day is not complete until I’ve played 3 or 4 games.  Still annoying the kids (both at home & at work) with references to Mybook & Facespace. Also ruining the younger kids days at least once a week by taking the tv remote controls to work with me so that they have to clean their rooms. Mr 10 has all the makings of one of those people with the stacks of newspaper mazes through their houses & every piece of junk mail they’ve received in the mail for the past 30 years, I’m not kidding, I don’t get how 1 kid can make such huge messes so quickly!

Ms 20 is still working at the nursing home, complaining about minimum wage but not doing a thing about getting her car on the road or even her drivers license which, if she at least had that, she could take my car to work & let me sleep. Ms 13 has disproved her sister’s prediction & has kept her grades up high enough this year that she is not a candidate for summer school this year (first time ever). Mr 10 is not doing as well, he’s smart enough to catch on quick, doesn’t do his homework etc & then aces tests (at least in math) so we’re looking at 1 week of summer school for English, which sucks, but maybe he’ll eventually figure out like his sister did that he’s got to put in the work & that it’s a direct consequence of not studying.  Too bad they don’t test him on lizards, minnows, frogs & crayfish because he’s a definite wealth of knowledge on these thanks to our creek.

It’s pretty much definite that we’re not going to Massachusetts this summer at all. I’m behind on all my bills & have already made a decision about what to pay & what to let go which is not going to make me very popular with credit card companies, nor will it be good for my credit score, but as the credit counselor I talked to before making my decision (a last ditch effort to avoid it) I don’t want to be the person in the homeless shelter with a dozen credit cards after all. So instead of vacation, we may go camping. I’m also hoping someone might deign to come to VA & see us for once (I’m betting it won’t be my mother though.)  Those of you who keep saying someday, this should be the year!

So I really wanted to go but didn’t even think of it until just last week, so there was no way to budget in a 4 day whirlwind trip up to MA (especially not with that hefty $20. per person ticket fee.!) So maybe next year. If I remember in time to save for it & ask for the days off 60 days in advance from work & can talk ms 20 into getting her license so she can share the drive up & back, because I know she’d love it, she did the last time we went, when she was 6.  (maybe she was 5? I can’t remember if I was pregnant or if that was the year before I got pregnant with ms 13.) We have pictures, but I took them all & so don’t know if I was pregnant or not!

I read on the Horticultural Society website that they didn’t have one last year & I’m very relieved that they did one this year, if you’re in the area, go & see it for me because it’s a wonderful, fun breath of spring, I at least have crocuses & daffodil buds already in my yard, you people in driving distance of Boston, you need to see & smell those flowers!

The thing which bothers me about all these older tunes, is that they bring up thoughts of the past. I’ve worked very hard over the last 9 & 1/2 years to look forward, not back. I try not to look at the years of my marriage, partially because I did & said things I’m not proud of, partially because It’s easier to not think of the fun & pleasure of being in a couple. I am not often lonely but looking back makes me lonely, so it’s easier not to look back is all!

I also just recently finished changing out all my picture albums, I had started this project in early 2007 after my grandmother died & I somehow inherited all of her pictures & albums, I pulled most of the relevant pictures of myself & my family from her albums & incorporated them into my already large picture album collection.

I had not done a thing on this project for almost 18 months & then, just the weekend before last, on friday afternoon ms 13 asked me to give her a picture of herself for a school project, she needed one which it wouldn’t matter if it got cut or anything like that & I started looking in the box of pictures I had in chronological order that sucked me in & before I went back to work Sunday night I’d completed the last 5 books in the set & now I’m finished.

Until we finally develop the last 5 or 6 disposable cameras kicking around the house that is. Most of the pictures are pretty old in those things, when we moved to this house I went to a cell phone & have had a digital camera in my cell phones since then, so the majority of the pictures I’ve taken since 2005 (in May it will be 5 years since we moved here – I can not believe it) are on the computer in an online album.

I also won a digital picture frame at work at Christmas time & so view many of my digital pictures there too. Although it’s too bright to leave on all night so I mostly turn it on during my days off so as to enjoy it while I’m at home.  (I’ve also lost sleep watching the pictures change- I admit that was when I first got it & set it up though, I probably wouldn’t do so any longer)

The past though, is too close in those pictures, even the ones from 2 or 3 years ago make me cringe, I see how bad the roof looked before the tree fell on the house & we got it fixed courtesy of the insurance co. Or I see how awful the original paint job in the kitchen was before ms 20 & her old boyfriend painted it for me. I’m sure I’ll look at pictures I take now & shudder at poor ms 13′s curly frizzy hair or how skinny mr 10 was (he takes after his dad- I’ll be surprised if he looks like anything but a stick before he’s 20)

Another day over, 5 hours ’til my next one begins, ‘night all.